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Dear Madeline, please stop referring to the dark-skinned kid on the Little Einstein DVD as the “chocolate boy.” Also, in your bug-killing frenzies, you may want to watch out for wasps. You’re killing me, smalls. Dear Susannah, you are NOT allowed to stomp on your sisters face and then act all casual about it when we ask you why. Dear pull-up bar, I’m just telling you now, I WILL conquer you. Even if it takes me the rest of my life. Dear Jerm, sneaking up on me = not cool. Dear Heidi, happy birthday, baby sister! Dear self, why are you not losing weight?!?! WHY?!?!!?

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