Maybe I’ve always been this way, but I’ve noticed recently how much of a griper I’ve become. Even if I am not voicing my complaints outwardly I am feeling them on the inside. I’ve never in my life struggled with depression, and I don’t know if it is a weird side effect of pregnancy or just something I’ve somehow fallen into by not expressing thankfulness for what I have, but I’ve been battling it for several weeks now. I think I’m starting to win the fight, but it bothers me that I’m having to fight it at all.
I have absolutely nothing to be depressed about. I live in the greatest country in the world. I have the freedom to believe, worship, and think as I choose. Unlike the people in our missions in Africa, I don’t have to walk miles to go to church (or anywhere for that matter). I have clean, running water, warmth in winter, cool air in summer, and a house that keeps out the elements. I have more money, clothing, and food than some people in this world can even dream about. My home is lovely and stuffed full of beautiful things. My family is loving, supportive, and healthy. I have a great God that I can go to any time of day or night with any trivial matter and know He will never turn me away because He is too busy.
I have everything, I am rich, and yet my flesh still screams with dissatisfaction. It is hard being human. My earnest desire is to be so caught up with amazement and gratefulness to God for what He has given me that I never have another moment of ridiculous and needless depression. Every day I need to awaken and look full on His wonderful face. How could it not make all the difference?