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Dear Pepto Bismol, thanks to you I had a near-death experience. Or at least I thought I did when I woke up with a black tongue. You’re definitely on my ‘never-take-again’ list. Dear Madeline, it’s probably not a good idea for you to loudly shout “Snook!” to random people in the neighborhood. But it is funny. Dear husband, you really are the best husband in the world. And not just because you bought me a miniature orange tree. But that does help. Dear self, how on earth did you live for thirty-two years without realizing how truly awesome Daffy Duck is? Goodneth knowth. Dear everyone else, have a wonderful, pink-M&M-filled Valentines Day. I know I will.

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