Dear Madeline, please stop asking everyone who has spots on their face if they have poison ivy. It’s embarrassing. Dear self, don’t ever, EVER walk outside of the house without your keys and phone again. Dear Madeline, thank you for locking the door “so bad guys can’t steal you” before leaving for the store with daddy. Nice of you. Dear kidney stones, please don’t feel the need to re-visit. We aren’t friends. Dear Madeline (again!), you crack me up when you hop on the scale, announce that you weigh “zero and a half” and then rub your belly and say it’s because you’ve been eating tooooo many chips. Kids. Dear everyone who’s plans I ruined on Saturday – sorry. And thanks for all your help, especially Michelle who drove my wretched self to the hospital.